Sparrows....

"Therefore I tell you, do not be anxious about your life, what you will eat or what you will drink, nor about your body, what you will put on. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothing? Look at the birds of the air; they neither sow nor reap nor gather into barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not of more value than they?" Matthew 6:25-26

Hello dear bloggers,

Last I typed to you I was anxiously awaiting the build of my clientele. Well, I'm still waiting. The only difference is the amount of money I am getting paid. When I wrote my last post, my hope for clients was more of a call for something to do. I was still being paid by the hour, whether I was doing hair or not. Since then I've been taken off hourly pay and am now working solely on commission. Oh, commission. I have mixed feelings over you. The way it works at my salon is that the client pays for their service and then half of that money goes to the salon and the other half goes to me. 50/50. Not so bad, I guess....unless you don't have a steady flow of work coming through your door. My hope for clients has turned into a heavy NEED of clients.

A few weeks ago I went out to breakfast with one of my friends. We sat there and confessed our needs to constantly be working. Creating bits and pieces of art - art that stands unmoving, and art that gets up and walks around. This need to create, and change is part of who we are. We talked about artists like us and how we 'fit' into the great big artistic world out there.

"Fit" is a silly word to use. As if you could put us in a box. Never have I seen an artist who is shaped like a square... We talked about the struggle of being in the world, and not of it. The total blur of moral lines, showing love, being salt, and being light, and being scared to stand out....

We spoke our concerns about how we love what we do, but how financially hard it can be.

The fact that I can't control the amount of people that come in requesting me, that my paycheck isn't steady, really bugs me out. I wouldn't say that I'm a control freak, but there are some things that, were I able to control, I would. This is where I have to let go. I've always been a very independent girl, just ask my mother. If I wanted something, I would work to make it happen. I could do anything. I now find myself very dependent, and very out of control. And I don't like it.

You've heard the phrase "Be still, and know that I AM God."? Well, lately I've found myself being still and knowing quite often. I'm learning to become dependant. God is teaching me to depend on him for clients. He's giving me patience. Now, it's hard, I'm still sitting around alot and waiting for people to call, and my paycheck is pretty shabby, but not once have I gone into work and left without having done at least one client that day. What do I do in my spare time? I pray that God would send me walk-ins. And he does. He is faithful, and I need him. A lot.

So, next time we'll have to see how I'm doing with patience and my contentedness with dependency....(and not gonna lie, 'next time' will probably be quite a while from now.... ;) We'll see how sparrow like I've become.