kick the darkness until it bleeds light...

I woke up this morning and did my daily get-ready-ritual, shower, dress, hair, sit and stare....

I was sitting on my bed wondering what to do at that moment when I looked over at my desk. A bunch of books rest on back of my desk, leaning against the wall. Dictionaries, fiction, non-fiction, French 1, 2, and 3 books, a couple bibles, and a whole bunch of notebooks, both full to the brim with my scribbling, and some barely touched.
I grabbed my bible, square and black, and opened it up. I had a quiet time in psalm 34. But I didn't feel done, though I suppose you never should really feel 'done' when it comes to having time with God. I glanced back at the row of books next to me and my eyes landed on a little notebook.

This is one of those that has barely been touched, but has some really good things in it. This petite notebook accompanied me to the fall retreat that my Youth Group attends in Cape Cod.

-Something that I do often is review notes that I've taken. I have more notebooks overflowing with little copied tidbits of knowledge than I have of anything else I think.-



A theme in that first entry was 'Light'.

God is light. He also is a very personal God. Wherever I go, He's always faithfully present. "Fear of the dark - GONE! Because your Father will always be there. And where He is, the darkness can't be." I have no need to fear the darkness, or mystery of change.

I recently bought a new EP from one of my favorite bands: The Rocket Summer, and one song's lyrics jumped out at me(even before I knew the name of the song). I played it on repeat for about an hour....then looked at the name. "Light".

all i needed was a light in the darkest place

I've ever been in all my life

as i try to find my way in the changing seasons of my life

and my eyes don't see the things I'm living for have been course

are they done? are they just?

they give in

I'm old enough to know that time doesn't move slow enough

I'm young enough to know that i can never be to old enough to trust you

higher (and higher)

i want to go away with you

some say your fire (your fire)

is through

but i don't wanna think that way

so you lost your job, and lost the girl

and it crushed your soul

and while you're standing at the fork in the road

so you wet your finger, hold it up

there's no wind there telling you where you should go

so you try, try to trust

while you're there

I'm old enough to know that time doesn't move slow enough

I'm you enough to know that i can never be too old enough to trust you

higher (and higher)

i want to go away with you

some say your fire (your fire)

is through

but i don't...

wanna...

i am yours, do what you wish

i am yours, i am yours and i know this

whatever happens next is in your hands, in your plans

nothing less

in everything there is a choice

through the joy, through the pain i will rejoice

i am yours, do what you wish

i am yours, i am yours and i know this

save me, cause i need it

and i can't help but feel desperate

my desires seem to be coming to their endings

but i will trust it's not the end

but a great beginning.

My Best Friend

I have been extremely fortunate to have been blessed with a "Best Friend". Although by now we've taken it so that 'best' doesn't really cover it. It's like Calvin and Hobbes meets Frodo and Sam meets David and Jonathan :)

Bella and I met forever ago in a pottery class. After that we would play with each other a couple of times, her house, my house, the park. I don't remember much, but I do remember that we'd put a bucket on Oli's head and call him "bucket boy", and she remembers the cliff in my backyard.

Something happened and we 'lost' each other, for whatever reason we stopped hanging out. The years would go by and I would sometimes remember 'that girl' who was named Bella, who talked with a slight accent, even though her parents didn't, and who put buckets on my brother's head. I don't know how many years it was until I started S.N.A.C (Saturday Night At Church - my youth group for the next 6 years), but it was long enough for me to somewhat forget that girl.

I jumped into SNAC mid January of my seventh grade year. I was the shortest, slightest, and youngest kid there, and was a little intimidated by this large (at that time large was probably about 10-15 kids) group who were constantly smiling, and talking, and laughing, and who met in the attic of a parsonage with a string of chili pepper lights strung on the beams. I knew some of the kids from Covenant Academy, a private school I attended in fourth and fifth grade, and got along well with them. That summer Sherry, the youth leader, asked for teen helpers at VBS which the church would be running. I was at an odd stage of in-between. I could be IN VBS for a last year, or I could be a teen helper. I did both :) The first couple of days I was a kid in the VBS, and that's when I ran into someone I knew!!!

BELLA! She was there. In that classroom. I couldn't tell if she remembered me or not...but that was ok. After the first couple of days I was really loving my class. Mr. Scholten was our teacher, and he was awesome! He was always my favorite teacher. But looking around, and seeing my 'fellow youth' help out with games, or crafts was making me feel slightly left out. I emailed Sherry and asked if I could be a Teen Helper, she replied with a 'yes', and the next day I was put in the 'recreation group'. That was...ok. I think the older 'youth' felt a little annoyed and indignant at me just hopping in. Me, the really wee, young girl, who was only about 11 years old and barely 4'4''. That day didn't go as well for me as I had thought it would. The acceptance wasn't there. Sherry, or someone must've noticed cause when I arrived the next day I was reassigned to another class, with young children...who apparently would run down the street from time to time. She was confident that I would be able to control and relate to the kids...and I did! That made me happy, to know that I could do something that was a great help to the adults. But I digress.

Summer went by and I survived my first year as a Teen Helper, probably the youngest one they'd ever had, and (ir)regular YG meetings started up again. A couple weeks into it, a new girl walked in the door. Bella. For a while she kinda just stood in a bubble all to herself. I don't remember anyone ever really talking to her, or vice versa. I'm not sure how it happenned, but one day we must've talked or something, and obviously hit it off well, we 'found' each other again :D

Over the past five years or so we've done insane things and had soooo much fun, and documented just about everything with millions of pictures and video(which is probably why my computer runs so slowly and is about to crash ;). We even became the Teen Helpers who LEAD and were in charge of the games at VBS or Kid's Club, and were the noise and life of the party at YG. We were, and are, the dynamic duo, complementing each other with our personality differences and our love of living life crazily!

So, thank you God for the awesomeness that is my bestest friend.

Oh yeah, make sure to check out her web site. She custom designs and makes just about everything accessory. Hats, bags, fingerless gloves, checkbook covers, you name it. And her bags are FANTASTIC! check it out!
http://www.etsy.com/shop.php?user_id=8276110

She has some more pictures of what she can do and has done on her blog: http://www.mynameisnotking.blogspot.com, they really are excellent.

No school? No job? what DO you do with all that free time?

I made a pair of fingerless gloves. I use them quite often. they're great for driving on cold morning.
Doesn't Owen make such a lovely hand model? ;)



I made a purse. I was very bored of the one I had been using and took a pattern I'd used a few summers before and 'followed' it. I say 'followed' but my friend had the pattern, so i had a rough idea of what we had done with the other bag. everything turned out just fine, and now it's one of my favorite purses :)

This was the first bag, it's HUGE! I use it for dance and smuggling beverages into movies :)

MITTENS!!! mittens are my new thing. My friend's mother gave me the pattern, and they're so quick and fun to make!!!

I really like matching-mismatching mittens. I also LOVE gray and red together.

This was the first mitten I made. I was very sad because I used up a whole skein of yarn, and then...I went back to Joann's and they didn't have the same yarn I'd used!!! I didn't know starting out that I would need at least two skeins of yarn for my size mittens..so this one is warm, but lonely :( poor mitten.

E does ice skating, and wanted mittens made. These ones are made of 'angel hair' yarn. I imagine that they're as soft as a cloud...or a chinchilla.

I knit Oli a hat. The first time he wore it, he walked around school all day with it inside out...but someone thought it was cool and apparently it looked like it was meant to be that way. He has fingerless gloves that match...but has lost them.

This yarn is cool...but hard to knit with. I think evil little gnomes made it.

Again...red and gray. I like them. This is my attempt at crocheting.

Little O's mittens :)

on a more random note....

I just like this picture alot...that's the only reason why it's here :D Photography is also something I do a lot in my spare time.

So my schooling doesn't begin until December 15th. I have no job either, apart from odds and end jobs - by the way, if you're looking for a babysitter...I'm most likely available :) - This is kinda what I do in my spare time: knit - various and random things, but mostly mittens, some hats, the occasional pair of fingerless gloves, a scarf or two. Or Crochet - I did this as a small child and relearned over the summer. I made a hat. Sewing - I make bags randomly...usually when I'm bored of the one I'm using at present. Hair - obviously, play with hair, when I get the chance. If you come supplied with lots of hair and a very large amount of bobby pins, coupled with some hair elastics...you'll get something or another on your head.

My friend makes bags, and hats and such as well, only she actually sells them. They're quite unique, and very well made. Soon she's gonna get her Esty site up( a site where she can sell her homemade goods) and when she does I'll have to give y'all the link.

I curled his hair...he was happy.

<- Jorge.

I forgot why I did this to her. She may have been getting ready for Shakespeare, or else conned into being my test dummy.

<- E

Mom let me practice "Shakespeare hair" on her. Too bad I don't remember how I did this...it's pretty cool looking, if I do say so myself.

<- Mom

So In This Hour - yet another theme song of my life.

So long before,
You stood so long at my door
Abundantly you have asked
Have you received?
Is this everything that you hoped for?
Is this everything you've dreamed?
Well I'm not sure, if you don't really mean it.
Life and history - repeat,
and I will see visions vividly
On how everything will end the same

Is this everything that you hoped for?
Is this everything you've dreamed?
Well I wanted to be!
If the real point is seen,

So in this hour, everything I do,
Will be all for this moment, every thing's for you!
My heart is open, and willing,
So take it.

Get up, get up, get up
So much feeling, OH my soul is singing!
And everybody feels the same,
Is this everything that you hoped for?
Is this everything you've dreamed?
Well I think it is.
If the real point is seen.

So in this hour, everything I do,
Will be all for this moment,
Every thing's for you!
My heart is open, and willing,
So take it!

Stay in place - When there's so Many things to say,
I want to help, and not just hesitate,
But I just don't,
But I just don't,

So please take my life and use it! I'm ready

Oh oh, oh oh, ohhhOh oh, oh oh, ohhhOh oh, oh oh, ohhhOh oh, oh oh, ohhhOh oh, oh oh, ohhhOh oh, oh oh, ohhh

18 Candles

HAPPY LEGAL ADULT DAY!

Today is my 18th birthday...a landmark I guess you could say. Here's a list of things I can now do LEGALLY! haha.

1. go places without signing permission forms! WOOHOO.


2. drive my siblings, and others, around.
3. get a tattoo.
   
4. get married without my parents permission (you know that's on the top of my list of things to rush out and do ;)
   
5. i think i can buy tobacco?
   
6. i can play the lottery!

and that's about it i think....

I'm still getting over the fact that I'm 18 now, though not until 7:00 as my sister will remind me. It feels surreal, like it's not time yet for my birthday. I bet the snow has something to do with it. Never has it snowed in October, not that I can remember at least, and it most certainly does not feel, or look, like October when you peer out the window and see large and fluffy white flakes falling from the heavens.


But it's real, it's happening. How it happened, I don't know, but it did. Does it change much? No, at least not immediately, no. I'm still me, I can just do certain things that millions of others who have gone before have done, and are doing. Will I have fun today? MOST CERTAINLY I WILL! I'll take any opportunity to celebrate and laugh. So I'm a year older, and hopefully have more wisdom than I did one year ago...that's the hope ;) I'm excited to see what God does with my life this year, His parties are always the best.

So, now I'm going to continue living life in my crazy, unique, children's-book-appreciating, Emily-Michael way, enjoying life, enjoying family, reveling with friends.

Celebrate with me!!!





Love to All Y'all!

"For I know the plans for you, declares the Lord, plans to prosper you, and not to harm you, to give you a future and a hope. Then you will call upon Me and come and pray to Me, and I will hear you."

-Jeremiah 29:11-12

The Pirate

Because I'm a pirate and love all things of such kind...

Oh, the blithery, blathery pirate

(His name, I believe, is Claude),

His manner is sullen and irate,

And his humor is vulgar and broad.

He has often been known to imprison

His friends in the hold dark and dank,

Or lash them up high on the mizzen,

Or force them to stroll down a plank.

He will selfishly ask you to dig up

Some barrels of ill-gotten gold,

And if you so much as just higgup,

He'll leave youto fill up the hole.

He may cast you adrift in a rowboat

(He has no reaction to tears)

Or put you ashore with NO boat

On an island and leave you for years.

He's a rotter, a wretch and a sinner,

He's foul as a fellow can be,

But if you invite hime to dinner,

Oh, please sit him next to me!

- Shel Silverstein

The night Max wore his wolf suit, and made mischief of one kind, and another, his mother called him: WILD THING!

Bella and I ran around the mall, I couldn't pass up this photo opp!

And Max said: "I'll eat YOU up!"

Well tonight is the night Where The Wild Things Are premiers!!! Thankfully we don't have to sail in, and out of days and for almost a year to get to the theatre :) This was one of my favorite story books as a kid, and I still enjoy it greatly! Maurice Sendak was a genius! My friends and I are going to have a 'RUMPUS' tonight. I'm so lucky to have friends who enjoy simple and funny things, like children's books, Shel Silverstein poetry, classic Disney movies, and comic book heroes. They're all so awesome, and I love them SO much! God has blessed me greatly with these weirdos, and I am glad to fit right in :D

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OBjoWs0uNNw

Ode to Converse

Well, some of you may know, and some may not, but I like shoes. SURPRISE! Never would've thought, right? ;) Well, today I'm doing a little bit of shameless advertising. My shoe of choice has to be sturdy enough to last a while with my beastishly strong feet that go through shoes like nobody's business, and because of that, they have to look cute - but be able to look cute when they are worn and dirty, because...lets face it, I can't stay clean for long and don't have the patience to clean my shoes(I can barely keep my room clean, you think I'm going to sit there with a toothbrush

and scrub my shoes?) or the desire to avoid dirtiness cause normally, you gotta go through the mud to get to the fun! So here they are, the BEST shoes I will ever own! So lets give it up for the sneakers that've seen it all:

how did THAT happen?!

Last night we celebrated E's 11th birthday....how can that be? I remember the night my mom went to the hospital, I was totally oblivious that she was going to the hospital, or having a baby for that matter. As far as I was concerned, she and dad were just going out for dinner. But when I woke up in the morning, she was no where to be found, and dad was sleeping on the couch. Curious, I thought to myself. And then POOOF! The magical moment happened; "Good morning you two, guess what? You have a baby sister! We named her Eleanore." WHAT! my mind screamed! 'Eleanore'??? What an awful name! No really, When I found out that was what they named my little sister I was puzzled and appalled! But off to the store we ran, and dad let us pick out little stuffed animals to give to...eleanore. We arrived at the hospital, jumped in an elevator and rushed into my mother's room. There she was. Tiny as a peanut, and cute as a button. My baby sister :) She was adorable, with some black fuzz on top of her head, and an ity-bity nose. I loved her, right then and there....but I still did NOT like her name.

Well, it's been 11 years, and E, I can't believe how much you've grown. And now, I can't see how we could have named you anything but Eleanore. Happy Birthday Cutie.

Blessed Are The Forgiven

Blessed is the one whose

transgression is forgiven,

whose sin is covered.

Blessed is the man against whom the

Lord counts no iniquity,

and in whose spirit there is no deceit.

For when I kept silent, my bones wasted away

through my groaning all day long.

For day and night your hand was heavy upon me;

my strength was dried up as by

the heat of summer.

I acknowledged my sin to you,

and I did not cover my iniquity;

I said, "I will confess my transgressions to the Lord,"

and you forgave the iniquity of my sin.

Therefore let everyone who is godly

offer prayer to you at a time when you

may be found;

surely in the rush of great waters,

they shall not reach Him.

You are a hiding place for me;

You preserve me from trouble;

You surround me with shouts of deliverance.

I will instruct you and teach you in the

way you should go;

I will counsel you with my eye upon you.

Be not like a horse or a mule, without

understanding,

which must be curbed with bit and bridle,

or it will not stay near you.

Many are the sorrows of the wicked,

but steadfast love surrounds the one

who trusts in the Lord.

Be glad in the Lord, and rejoice,

O righteous,

and shout for joy, all you upright in
heart!

Psalm 32.

I rather like music, don't you?

I LOVE jon foreman. He is one of my most favorite artists in the music industry. I admire him for his lyrics, very poetic, and his unique music. So i'm posting some of my favorite song lyrics of his. There is much restraining on my part cause they're all good.

White As Snow -

Have mercy on me, oh God

According to your unfailing love

According to your great compassion

Blot out my transgressions

Have mercy on me, oh God

According to your unfailing love

According to your great compassion

Blot out my transgressions

Would you create in me a clean heart, oh God?

Restore in me the joy of your salvation

Would you create in me a clean heart, oh God?

Restore in me the joy of your salvation

The sacrifices of our God

Are broken in a contrite heart

Against you and you alone

Have I sinned

The sacrifices of our God

Are broken in a contrite heart

Against you and you alone

Have I sinned

Would you create in me a clean heart, oh God?

Restore in me the joy of your salvation

Would you create in me a clean heart, oh God?

Restore in me the joy of my salvation

Wash me white as snow

And I will be made whole

Wash me white as snow

And I will be made whole

Wash me white as snow

And I will be made whole

Wash me white as snow

Would you create in me a clean heart, oh God?

Restore in me the joy of your salvation

Would you create in me a clean heart, oh God?

Restore in me the joy of your salvation

I Am Still Running ~

You remember me before I learned to run

At the kissing tree before I learned my guns

We were seventeen, seventeen years young

I am still running, I am still running

I had no idea the pain would be this strong

I had no idea the fight would last this long

In my darkest fears rights become the wrongs

I am still running, I am still running

I am still running, I am still running

Build me a home inside your scars

Build me a home inside your song

Build me a home inside your open arms

The only place I ever will belong

I am still running, I am still running

I am still running, I am still running

Build me a home inside your scars

Build me a home inside your song

Build me a home inside your open arms

The only place I ever will belong

The only place I ever will belong

Inside your open arms

The only place I ever will belong

True Story

This morning I jumped on my horse
And I went out for a ride,
And some wild outlaws chased me
And they shot me in the side.
So I crawled into a wild cat's cave
To find a place to hide,
But some pirates found me sleeping there,
And soon they had me tied
To a pole and built a fire
Under me - I almost cried
Till a mermaid came and cut me loose
And begged to be my bride,
So I said I'd come back Wednesday
But I must admit I lied.
Then I ran into a jungle swamp
But I forgot my guide
And I stepped into some quicksand,
And no matter how I tried
I couldn't get out, until I met
A water snake named Clyde,
Who pulled me into some cannibals
Who planned to have me fried.
But an eagle came and swooped me p
And through the air we flied,
But he dropped me in a boiling lake
A thousand miles wide.
And you'll never guess what I did then -
I DIED.

a good day for explorations ~ adventures at Rose Farm

milkweed seeds blow from my hand

two good friends

i think i could stare at this open and empty field for hours without saying a single word

fall colors, gotta love New England for it :)

The Chronicles of the Life of a Hairdresser in Training...almost...

This blog will really kick off in December when I actually start school. Until then, this vast amount of empty space will be filled with my random thoughts, poems, or song lyrics I've found enjoyable or mind boggling, and some of the millions upon billions of pictures I have taken - some astoundingly beautiful, and some up-your-nose shots that probably shouldn't have seen the light of day. :D

~The Story~

I've wanted to be a hairdresser since the age of nine. At the age of 17, my grandmother, Susie, started cosmetology school in Erie, PA for hairdressing. While there she met my grandfather, Herbert, who was going to school for barbering. By 18 she was married :) Whenever we made a family vacation up to Wellsboro it seemed like some one was always getting a hair cut from grandpa. I remember taking a trip to his barber shop with my mother when I was very young. I sat and watched him work on the various men who came into his shop. He made them laugh and smile as they swapped stories of what they remembered of the 'old days' and what their kids were up to now. At one point I crawled up into one of his big, black, barber chairs(they always just looked like fun to sit in, and I was curious to test this theory). Grandpa walked over and asked me if I wanted a hair cut, vigorously, and with wide, frightened eyes, I scrambled out of the chair and ran to my mother. I'm not sure why I was scared, but both mom and grandpa seemed to find it amusing.

We started looking at schools in February. I found it to be one of those things where, you don't think about them, therefore, you don't see them. But as we dove into the search for a school...they popped up everywhere! we visited three schools, each specializing in their own areas. The school I chose, International Institute of Cosmetology,http://www.studyhair.com/index.shtml, as it turns out is pretty much run by Italians :D They're very serious about what they do. They make it clear that THIS is your CAREER. Not an easy way out. One of the first things they teach you, starting out, is how to cut hair with a razor (not the kind the barber uses on your little brother in the summer to give a buzz cut, a straight razor, with teeth. Think...Sweeney Todd, but not as bloody). By the end of my training I should be able to give a whole hair cut using only the razor, a skill that's nearly been lost and that I can charge an arm and half a leg for. As part of the whole, we get TOYS! about $2,000 worth of hair tools. But for now, I spend my time waiting for school to start, helping my mother out with chores, and waiting till I can drive other people around by myself.