Just call me a starving artist

I've hit an imaginary wall. My spirits are low. My clients are few. My paychecks...nearly non-existent. They told me that starting out would be hard, and I believed them, but it's never felt that way till now. The past three weeks I have felt useless, something I despise greatly. My hands have been idle as I watch my people doing what I love all around me, instead I sweep hair and wash towels.

It's funny to me, how independent I have become. Yet, I find my dependency on God to have grown equally. It's very hard for me to look at life when it gets like this and then to look at God and say, alright, I trust you to provide and take care of me, and to wholeheartedly believe it without any doubts in my mind. I'm not a control freak, but there are some things,( like clients, income, etc.) that could I control them you bet your aunt's hat I would. The fact that I have no control over how many people will sit in my chair this week keeps me uneasy, and thankful for those who do continue to keep coming back.

Surrendering is hard for me. I have always been a DIYS, take care of myself, kinda girl. And even though I've seen and experienced God's provision first hand...it's still difficult to say HELP. So, I guess I'm calling this drought of sorts another lesson in trusting and depending.

Thanks to all of you who return to me time and again, you keep my spirits afloat.
And thanks, God, for being so faithful when it's hard for me to be just that.

Quoth the Raven...

http://www.mychloeflower.com/item/The-Raven/472/p2c27

Ok, so fall is officially in full swing, and I found myself asking 'why does everything seem to naturally go...creepy-ish?'  I'm not talking about people getting ready for Halloween, some to a ridiculous extreme. I looked around a couple days ago and realized that October can be beautifully dark and dreary. Splashes of vibrant reds, oranges, and yellows against a swirling backdrop of grey. The trees become skeletons blowing in a chilling breeze. I dunno, I was just wondering...

Along with autumn and Halloween, people drag out one of my favorite authors, Poe. Yes, his stories are a bit unnerving, but there's something about his writing that fully engages my imagination, his stories and poetry are, although dark, quite beautiful. And, to my surprise, I found out just a few days ago that a movie is being made called: The Raven,
( WARNING: The trailer is a little creepy and gore is strongly inferred, so if you have a really good imagination and would like to avoid conjuring up images of  not so nice crime scenes, DON'T WATCH IT! If you have no problem with it...carry on ;)    staring John Cusack as the infamous and tortured Edgar Allen Poe.


I also found, and devoured all too quickly, a book based off of the works of Poe, called Nevermore.

I almost want to tell you not to pay any attention to the description, because I don't want you to stereotype it into a fictitious-teen-romance-novel...Sure, there is an underlying element of romance in it, it's hard to find a book without that these days, BUT it's not sappyoverdoneinyourface. It's not even the main point of the book. If it makes it any better, or more appealing, IT HAS NO VAMPIRES! ;) What it is, is intense, gripping, slightly creepy, and without a sequel until January! *sigh*

This book involved me so much (for what reason I know not) that even though I've finished it and am experiencing my usual post-good book-depression, I still can't stop carrying it around with me and staring at the cover...I think I'll probably read it again...now. Just because I was not at all ready for the story to end and to say my temporary goodbye to the characters. Anyways...you should all go read it. It's fast and crazy, and you don't have to enjoy it...but who knows? You just might.