Just call me a starving artist

I've hit an imaginary wall. My spirits are low. My clients are few. My paychecks...nearly non-existent. They told me that starting out would be hard, and I believed them, but it's never felt that way till now. The past three weeks I have felt useless, something I despise greatly. My hands have been idle as I watch my people doing what I love all around me, instead I sweep hair and wash towels.

It's funny to me, how independent I have become. Yet, I find my dependency on God to have grown equally. It's very hard for me to look at life when it gets like this and then to look at God and say, alright, I trust you to provide and take care of me, and to wholeheartedly believe it without any doubts in my mind. I'm not a control freak, but there are some things,( like clients, income, etc.) that could I control them you bet your aunt's hat I would. The fact that I have no control over how many people will sit in my chair this week keeps me uneasy, and thankful for those who do continue to keep coming back.

Surrendering is hard for me. I have always been a DIYS, take care of myself, kinda girl. And even though I've seen and experienced God's provision first hand...it's still difficult to say HELP. So, I guess I'm calling this drought of sorts another lesson in trusting and depending.

Thanks to all of you who return to me time and again, you keep my spirits afloat.
And thanks, God, for being so faithful when it's hard for me to be just that.