SPOILER ALERT: the following post may contain slight lovey-doveyness...if you don't mind such content, please continue on. If you do mind, well...it's short, and you'll get over it. Sorry ;)
I'm in love with my best friend. Childhood sweethearts, almost, I suppose. For the past 14 years we've grown up living no more than 10 minutes from each other. We shot cap guns, wore ties as cat tails, played with play mobile, pretended we were star wars characters, ran around in the woods and imagined we owned a chocolate factory, escaped a flock of vicious wild turkeys...the list goes on. Every once in a while, my mind wanders back into our childhood years, and brings me up to the early days when we realized there could be more than 'friends' here. And when this happens, my heart is warmed and the realization that I've fallen in love with my best friend slaps me silly... all over again...a realization thats not getting old, and quite frankly, never fails to put a smile on my face.
I thank God for this peculiar treasure of a man I call "my love".
Hey ya'll, it's been a gazillion-billion years. Sorry.
No longer am I scouting out Cost Cutters...not much scouting to be had there, really. For the past nearly 3 months I have been working -quite happily I might add - at a cute little salon in Hebron called Capricorn 1...Not really sure where the name came from, but I figured I'll ask someday, maybe when I'm more established there.
In my head, though, I imagine the conversation going something like,
Me: "So...Capricorn 1. How did you decide to name it that?"
Owner: "Well, young one, I read it in the stars. *gazes off like she's looking into the universal abyss*
Me: "Oh....neat..."
But you should all come check it out. It's reallllly cute. :)
Wuthering heights is a crazy intense, utterly depressing story of humans at their worst, displaying their basest of emotions. It's raw. I love it. I love Heathcliff, he's my favorite. And he's my most favoritest when played by the one and only Tom Hardy in masterpiece theater's version of the epic drama.
I was watching the second half of the telling with some of my friends when Heathcliff begs his recently departed Love, Catherine, not to leave him, ever. And the words just smacked me, like an open palm. I was like, 'whoa, that's intense.' but it intrigued me...and made my eyes teary.
Likewise, earlier in the book, when Cathy was still alive, she said something of Heathcliff that still makes my word-loving-soul sigh.
And so, I share with you.
"Be with me always—take any form—drive me mad! only do not leave me in this abyss, where I cannot find you! Oh, God! it is unutterable! I cannot live without my life! I cannot live without my soul!" -Heathcliff
*life, and soul, refer to his recently departed Cathy.
"If all else perished, and he remained, I should still continue to be; and if all else remained, and he were annihilated, the universe would turn to a mighty stranger: I should not seem a part of it." -Catherine
Sometimes my brain fantasizes that this is what love is like sometimes...and, maybe it is ;)
Recently I've been having good talks with one of my very good, and oldest friends. The topic?
Dating VS. Courtship
We are both of the same persuasion when it comes to this topic. But a link was shared, which I found very interesting, and so I thought I'd share it here, too. Emotional Purity - Dating VS. Courtship
Agree. Disagree. Share your thoughts and feelings.
Hello my bloggy darlings, sorry I've been absent for about a billion years. Life has been busy and my computer is as stubborn as...an unmovable something or other.
Job update: I had an interview last week, nowhere special just a cost cutters, and while waiting to hear back I wandered around anxiously while being crafty and nonsensical. But Sunday came along, and with it brought a bright and sunny 80+ degree day! So, on a whim I texted my dear friend and we decided to become spontaneous, late-day beach bums.
Aren't cellphone selfies so flattering? Hahaha.
We ended up getting lost on the way back and enjoyed making our own 2hr scenic route home. We laughed a lot. *silly cell phones thinking they can actually navigate*
A day at the beach is required for mental health and happiness.
Back to Cost Cutters - I called last night annnnnnd....*drum roll* they want to try me out. Just a couple days this week, at a couple hours a time(I'm experiencing new job anxiety once again). Apparently they've never done anything like this with anyone before, so yet again in my cosmetology career, I, am a first. I go in tomorrow afternoon from 1-3...Burr Corner plaza. See ya there? ;)
It was an adventure. I relaxed. I ran around. Had some nice late night talks curled up at the kitchen table with a mug of tea. Had some crazy days spent hurrying here and there, never staying in the same place for more than a couple hours. I hung out with old friends, feeling like family. I met crazy awesome new people. I spent about 50 hours of my life on a train and am now pretty familiar with Amtrak...there and back I had a lay over in Chicago, and so was privileged to roam around the beautiful Windy City with 3 amazing dudes.
I left with little expectations, hoping to maybe just quiet my soul, listen to God, and visit my friends...and if God happened to nudge me in any direction, that would be awesome too.
I returned with a lot to think about.
While I was there opportunities arose. Internships came up. Chances to shadow at salons. As well as missions opportunities.
And ever since I got back a feeling has been growing in me...something that's always been there that now is spreading. I've never really been able to describe it, and it's frustrating. But the other night I was having a conversation with one of my best friends. One of those conversations that fall under the "If I don't get out of here soon I'll be stuck here for the rest of my life, that I don't know what I'm doing with anyways" category...I'm sure you have those all the time...
We talked about jobs. We talked about monotonous life. We talked about restlessness...We talked about senioritis.
Finally I tried to put this feeling that I had into words and it came out like this:
"...Do you ever get that feeling like...let's see if I can describe it -
like, you were made for something more? That growing up, finishing school and getting a job and routine just wasn't what was intended for you? That you were created, not for something mundane and monotonous, but for something truly breathtaking and extraordinary? Cause...that seems to be how I feel. And like that desire for the extraordinary is trying to claw it's way out...like it's suffocating at the thought of never getting to see the sun...or maybe I just have to much of an imagination...?"
So...yep. That's where I'm at right now...perhaps this was a nudge in a direction...guess we'll see.
The Bean*
*(I have now seen The Bean, one of Chicago's great works of modern architecture I am told...but secretly I'm pretty sure it's an idol to the Americans love of coffee...see for yourself. ;) )
That's right, I bought them. After about two years of eyeing these red beauties I finally broke down and purchased them. I know, I know, these "TOMS" are the current shoes of the modern 'Hipster'...but I am NOT a hipster (that's what they all say...but believe me...I'm not.) But even if I were, even if I would be buying them in an effort to conform to nonconformity and to look cute, the fact that somewhere in the world another person is receiving a brand new pair of shoes simply because I bought this pair kinda trumps the cuteness and nonconformist factor. Of all the 'fads' to follow...this one really isn't the worst. And I figured after two years, since I haven't stopped secretly wanting them, I should just break down and get them or else I'll walk around for another two years looking at pictures, sighing heavily, and annoying my family.
And as it turns out, Febuary 3rd is National Wear Red day...or something of that nature, guess I'm covered. What'll you sporting?
I'm sitting here on train 449 waiting for the arrival in Chicago...most of my fellow passengers seem to be heading to either Albany or syracuse. Among them are an acting major with a cute hat, and a film major who, judging by his appearance, comes from a clan of lumberjacks...
I'm curled up in my seat while waiting for our train to pull out of Albany, a 2 hour stop made longer by our punctuality, watching food from the dining car being carried by, thinking about my many protein bars I've packed (to avoid said expensive dining car, and wondering when my neighbor (said lumberjack film student) will return...
This could be an interesting evening...Chicago bound. Be there in the morning....only to be met by 5 hours of more waiting...
Today on FB, one of my friends - an avid blogger by day and super classy lady all the time, whose blog (Out of My Alleged Mind) you can find HERE! - posted this link to one of the many blogs she's found and follows. Maybe it's the fact that I've known a few people with cancer. Maybe it's because I know how attached people can be to their hair, and the significance that cutting it can have. Or maybe...I'm just human and tender, but something in this story made my heart ache and my eyes water. (I've always told my close friends that if they ever got cancer and lost their hair, I would cut mine too.)
"And you're kept in an open cage, So you're free to leave or stay.Sometimes you get confused, Like there's a hint I am trying to give you."
"talking bird" by Death Cab For Cutie
Poorly drawn picture...by me.
I believe I've mentioned before about how much I love road trips, and have joked about having a touch of gypsy blood in me. I've expressed my restlessness of being in one place for too long (even though I always come back home.) I've talked about my longing for adventure and how I've made due by trekking through the rain and creating crazy story plots inside my head. And so...I find myself yet again feeling those stirring desires in my heart to go on an adventure and travel far far away... I thought about it for a while, weighed my options, bounced thoughts and opinions off of close friends, prayed, and drank more than my outrageously large quota of coffee.
The fact is, I still have no job. Let me reword that. I have no stationary job. No salon to call 'home', and not because there's a lack of salons or opportunities. When the Velvet Touch and I parted ways, somewhere in me, I felt peace. It was an odd and unexpected thing to feel upon losing a job. An opportunity for a stylist position in another salon arose, and I pursued it, but something about it just didn't feel right. It's hard to explain, but I couldn't shake it. Nothing came from this pursued position. But here's the beauty of it. My job doesn't have to be stationary! I can take it with me wherever I go...which means I can travel :)
And so, after some deliberation, I have decided to go on my adventure. Finally. I have nothing that's holding me here. I have no salon to report to. No major responsibilities to look after. No relationships tying me down. So, I ask myself, why not?
I've got a lot on my mind, and I'm a curious soul. Travel is a therapy to me. Staring out a window, watching the world pass by at blurring speeds, my mind seems to process things clearly. And so, I've purchased a train ticket, and next Sunday I begin my journey. To where? The Midwest. Kansas City, Missouri. Why? Because I have good friends out there (They're in the middle of an adoption, check them out and see how you can help contribute HERE!), and they belong to a church that I've been wanting to visit.
And so, I'm running away. Because I can.
"I never thought I'd be driving through the country just to drive
With only music and the clothes that I woke up in
I never thought I'd need all this time alone it goes to show
I had so much yet I had need for nothing
But you
This is just therapy
Let's call it what it is
(Not what we were)
With a death-grip on this life always transitioning
This is just therapy
Cause you won't take my calls
and that makes God the only one who's left here listening to me
Letting it all sink in
It's good to feel a sting now and again
I hope it's one less woeful thing there is to fight through
Forgetting it all begin
Fresh paper and nice expensive pen
The past can not subtract a thing from what I might do
For you
Unless that's what I let it do
Loneliness and solitude are two things not to get confused
Cause I spend my solitude with you
I gather all the questions of the things I just can't get straight
And I answer them the way I guess you'd do
Cause this is my therapy
Cause you're the only one that's listening to me
This is my therapy
Let's call it what it is not what we were
With a death-grip on this life that's in transition
This is my therapy
Cause you won't hear me out
and that makes God the only one who's left here listening"
I tend to sing this when I start to get restless and need a road trip...so, on a pretty regular basis.
