Dating VS. Courtship
We are both of the same persuasion when it comes to this topic. But a link was shared, which I found very interesting, and so I thought I'd share it here, too. Emotional Purity - Dating VS. Courtship
Agree. Disagree. Share your thoughts and feelings.
But that's my blurb for the day.
My thoughts? Well first of all, I think that the terms can be misconstrued at times...especially the term 'courtship'. Do you have a specific mindset of what courtship is? I know some people think of courtship as having all these rules and things, but to me, courtship is just "dating with a purpose". (a.k.a. Dating with the possibility of finding out about the other person to see if you suit each other for marriage.) Addressing the "rules" that lots of people think courtship is, (no touching, no kissing, no being alone together) I just think that you really need to follow God's leading for what He thinks is best (just so long as you're not committing adultery or anything). So honestly, I'm more on the side of "courtship" than dating around with people you don't expect to ever marry. Just my two cents. If I offended at all, I'm sorry! I didn't mean to. :)
ReplyDeleteagree with maddie. "dating with a purpose." It really depends on how you define the thing, be it dating or courtship their are extremes of each. not quite sure what I did, but based on the fact I just married the one guy I "dated" I think it may have worked.
ReplyDeleteI just skimmed that article and I see where they are coming from with the fear thing. I did that. I didn't want to be wrong. I spent 3 years refusing to admit how I felt about JoJo, though I *KNEW* he was for me. It became quite the complex situation (you remember...many much drama).
But regardless of my view point, this article's viewpoint, and anyone's viewpoint, love, as God created it, isn't formulaic. For a long time I wanted it to be. I wanted it to have definite steps and procedures, so that I would do it to perfection and not mess up. But it doesn't work that way. I read all those books (you know the ones), but those were someone else's stories. God was writing mine.
Something that really stuck with me was when a friend who works with young children told me about a little boy she was teaching to read. He sounded out the word love as "low-ve". She told him, "no, it is said "luuv"." "why?" he asked. "Because love breaks all the rules."
With that I agree.
According to yes, heresay, the looks people have given me, various evangelical books on relationships, and a graphic passed around facebook, people who date are just frivolously following the world; as Joshua Harris would put, giving their hearts away. This brand of courtship is frequently perpetuated with other such shame based claims, which the gospel just won’t back up.
ReplyDeleteI’ll come out of the closet and say: I have had some bad blood with courtship. The shaming I felt initially when I chose to date and not court felt semi-permanent and is still getting scrubbed away via emotional sanctification. In high school, courtship became the umbrella term for all the ways the conservative Christian world could shame me. I hated how it shamed me, but I also hated how the promises were so dang appealing. I read “I kissed dating good bye”, I read “passion and purity.” All it gave me motivation to do was hold on to my public education for dear life, and spiritualize a promise to never date until I had my phD. Obviously God had other plans for my heart.
Thusly, trying to objectively dissect the lexicon of the evangelical dating scene makes me defensive. I wind up hiding behind my Father and beating my fists in frustration. The evil little voice has its own sweeping negative generalizations, “If your story were like their formulas you wouldn’t be a screw up!” “You’d never have been hurt,” “You’d be married by now!” “ If you courted you would fit in and finally be accepted by them”. Isn’t that what all idols do? They are full of empty promises.
So it’s a loaded word, loaded with promises to protect people’s hearts, to create an environment of emotional and sexual purity, for dad to call all the shots. When the reality is that every relationship, be it romantic or no has surprising, heart-wrenching potential.
Furthermore, why assume that God's plan for us is the first person we date? It’s great the courtship frequently promotes that, but that’s not something to pat yourself on the back about, that’s God’s graciousness to you, and part of his plan for your life. What upset me about the graphic particularly is that there’s a difference between chronic hook-up behavior and someone who has dated multiple people before finding their life-mate. I think this graphic might just not be up with the terminology: “hooking up” is what is being described “promiscuously dating without a purpose”, it’s everything from making out with some just because you want to, to a one night stand. People outside the church view typically view dating as a committed relationship and it’s typically laughable to even be making a long term commitment before you’re 30.
God has been no less gracious to them and they are no less pure than a first courtship marriage. No one can’t run out of heart, God doesn’t view people as used goods, so we shouldn’t either.
Of my personal opinion, may I venture to say that there is wisdom in getting to know multiple people, and that going on dates is in my opinion, an emotionally healthy way to do it. A coffee or a dinner date with a guy friend who you do not wind up marrying does not make you an infidel; it does not indicate emotional or sexual promiscuity. Such coffee and dinner dates frequently flow into healthy, God honoring relationships.
Dare I add that dating a man who you do not wind up marrying does not make you an infidel, dating multiple men does not make you an infidel. As I mentioned above, it does not make your heart smaller and contrary to Harris’ opinion, your ex’s are not going to virtually follow you to the altar on your wedding day and stain your dress crimson red (embellished).
Besides, our life “stories” aren’t all about how we met our husbands and having a perfect “story” won’t redeem all the messes that have happened or will happen. Our life stories are about a different, better marriage, where all the unavoidable messes from every relationship and every friendship will make sense at that wedding feast which will outdo all of my oncewed browsing.