kick the darkness until it bleeds light...

I woke up this morning and did my daily get-ready-ritual, shower, dress, hair, sit and stare....

I was sitting on my bed wondering what to do at that moment when I looked over at my desk. A bunch of books rest on back of my desk, leaning against the wall. Dictionaries, fiction, non-fiction, French 1, 2, and 3 books, a couple bibles, and a whole bunch of notebooks, both full to the brim with my scribbling, and some barely touched.
I grabbed my bible, square and black, and opened it up. I had a quiet time in psalm 34. But I didn't feel done, though I suppose you never should really feel 'done' when it comes to having time with God. I glanced back at the row of books next to me and my eyes landed on a little notebook.

This is one of those that has barely been touched, but has some really good things in it. This petite notebook accompanied me to the fall retreat that my Youth Group attends in Cape Cod.

-Something that I do often is review notes that I've taken. I have more notebooks overflowing with little copied tidbits of knowledge than I have of anything else I think.-



A theme in that first entry was 'Light'.

God is light. He also is a very personal God. Wherever I go, He's always faithfully present. "Fear of the dark - GONE! Because your Father will always be there. And where He is, the darkness can't be." I have no need to fear the darkness, or mystery of change.

I recently bought a new EP from one of my favorite bands: The Rocket Summer, and one song's lyrics jumped out at me(even before I knew the name of the song). I played it on repeat for about an hour....then looked at the name. "Light".

all i needed was a light in the darkest place

I've ever been in all my life

as i try to find my way in the changing seasons of my life

and my eyes don't see the things I'm living for have been course

are they done? are they just?

they give in

I'm old enough to know that time doesn't move slow enough

I'm young enough to know that i can never be to old enough to trust you

higher (and higher)

i want to go away with you

some say your fire (your fire)

is through

but i don't wanna think that way

so you lost your job, and lost the girl

and it crushed your soul

and while you're standing at the fork in the road

so you wet your finger, hold it up

there's no wind there telling you where you should go

so you try, try to trust

while you're there

I'm old enough to know that time doesn't move slow enough

I'm you enough to know that i can never be too old enough to trust you

higher (and higher)

i want to go away with you

some say your fire (your fire)

is through

but i don't...

wanna...

i am yours, do what you wish

i am yours, i am yours and i know this

whatever happens next is in your hands, in your plans

nothing less

in everything there is a choice

through the joy, through the pain i will rejoice

i am yours, do what you wish

i am yours, i am yours and i know this

save me, cause i need it

and i can't help but feel desperate

my desires seem to be coming to their endings

but i will trust it's not the end

but a great beginning.