Now that she's back in the atmosphere...

Well, I'm back. And boy, what a trip...

It was an adventure. I relaxed. I ran around. Had some nice late night talks curled up at the kitchen table with a mug of tea. Had some crazy days spent hurrying here and there, never staying in the same place for more than a couple hours. I hung out with old friends, feeling like family. I met crazy awesome new people. I spent about 50 hours of my life on a train and am now pretty familiar with Amtrak...there and back I had a lay over in Chicago, and so was privileged to roam around the beautiful Windy City with 3 amazing dudes.

I left with little expectations, hoping to maybe just quiet my soul, listen to God, and visit my friends...and if God happened to nudge me in any direction, that would be awesome too.
I returned with a lot to think about.
While I was there opportunities arose. Internships came up. Chances to shadow at salons. As well as missions opportunities.

And ever since I got back a feeling has been growing in me...something that's always been there that now is spreading. I've never really been able to describe it, and it's frustrating. But the other night I was having a conversation with one of my best friends. One of those conversations that fall under the "If I don't get out of here soon I'll be stuck here for the rest of my life, that I don't know what I'm doing with anyways" category...I'm sure you have those all the time...

We talked about jobs. We talked about monotonous life. We talked about restlessness...We talked about senioritis.


Finally I tried to put this feeling that I had into words and it came out like this:

"...Do you ever get that feeling like...let's see if I can describe it - 

like, you were made for something more? That growing up, finishing school and getting a job and routine just wasn't what was intended for you? That you were created, not for something mundane and monotonous, but for something truly breathtaking and extraordinary? Cause...that seems to be how I feel. And like that desire for the extraordinary is trying to claw it's way out...like it's suffocating at the thought of never getting to see the sun...or maybe I just have to much of an imagination...?"

So...yep. That's where I'm at right now...perhaps this was a nudge in a direction...guess we'll see. 

The Bean*

*(I have now seen The Bean, one of Chicago's great works of modern architecture I am told...but secretly I'm pretty sure it's an idol to the Americans love of coffee...see for yourself. ;) )

This is my Therapy

"And you're kept in an open cage, So you're free to leave or stay.Sometimes you get confused, Like there's a hint I am trying to give you."

"talking bird" by Death  Cab For Cutie

Poorly drawn picture...by me.

I believe I've mentioned before about how much I love road trips, and have joked about having a touch of gypsy blood in me. I've expressed my restlessness of being in one place for too long (even though I always come back home.) I've talked about my longing for adventure and how I've made due by trekking through the rain and creating crazy story plots inside my head. 
And so...I find myself yet again feeling those stirring desires in my heart to go on an adventure and travel far far away...
I thought about it for a while, weighed my options, bounced thoughts and opinions off of close friends, prayed, and drank more than my outrageously large quota of coffee. 


The fact is, I still have no job. Let me reword that. I have no stationary job. No salon to call 'home', and not because there's a lack of salons or opportunities. When the Velvet Touch and I parted ways, somewhere in me, I felt peace. It was an odd and unexpected thing to feel upon losing a job. 
An opportunity for a stylist position in another salon arose, and I pursued it, but something about it just didn't feel right. It's hard to explain, but I couldn't shake it. Nothing came from this pursued position. But here's the beauty of it. My job doesn't have to be stationary! I can take it with me wherever I go...which means I can travel :) 


And so, after some deliberation, I have decided to go on my adventure. Finally. 
I have nothing that's holding me here. I have no salon to report to. No major responsibilities to look after. No relationships tying me down. So, I ask myself, why not? 


I've got a lot on my mind, and I'm a curious soul. Travel is a therapy to me. Staring out a window, watching the world pass by at blurring speeds, my mind seems to process things clearly. And so, I've purchased a train ticket, and next Sunday I begin my journey. To where? The Midwest. Kansas City, Missouri. Why? Because I have good friends out there (They're in the middle of an adoption, check them out and see how you can help contribute HERE!), and they belong to a church that I've been wanting to visit.


And so, I'm running away. Because I can. 

"I never thought I'd be driving through the country just to drive

With only music and the clothes that I woke up in

I never thought I'd need all this time alone it goes to show

I had so much yet I had need for nothing

But you

This is just therapy

Let's call it what it is

(Not what we were)

With a death-grip on this life always transitioning

This is just therapy

Cause you won't take my calls

and that makes God the only one who's left here listening to me

Letting it all sink in

It's good to feel a sting now and again

I hope it's one less woeful thing there is to fight through

Forgetting it all begin

Fresh paper and nice expensive pen

The past can not subtract a thing from what I might do

For you

Unless that's what I let it do

Loneliness and solitude are two things not to get confused

Cause I spend my solitude with you

I gather all the questions of the things I just can't get straight

And I answer them the way I guess you'd do

Cause this is my therapy

Cause you're the only one that's listening to me

This is my therapy

Let's call it what it is not what we were

With a death-grip on this life that's in transition

This is my therapy

Cause you won't hear me out

and that makes God the only one who's left here listening"

I tend to sing this when I start to get restless and need a road trip...so, on a pretty regular basis.

And may the odds be ever in your favor

What would you do if one day you were taken from your home, thrown into a massive outdoor arena with 23 other people, and told you weren't aloud to come out...unless you were the last one alive? What would you do if the only provisions you were given were the clothes on your back? If you had to brave the elements with no shelter, and the little supplies that was up for grabs must be taken along with the life of its previous owner? What would you do if you had to go through all of this knowing you would be on a screen, viewed - every second of the day and night - by the whole of your nation?

Well? 

A few weeks ago we had a massive snow storm (freak natural disaster in the middle of October!) that knocked the power out in most of Connecticut for a week or more. During that week I spent some time with my friends Reagan and Sophia. Sophia stayed at my house for most of that week, and with her she brought a new book. The Hunger games. She was hooked, and had devoured most of it in just a day or so. At night we would have story time, reading by the soft glow of a lantern. I was hooked. The intense and violent story of this girl was crazy! My eyes went wide and adrenaline started pumping as Sophia read aloud and I imagined the reckless and life threatening situations. The power came on, and she left my house before she could finish the book, but days later it was handed to me, in much rougher conditions then when it had first appeared at my house. 

I sat down immediately with this beloved and dog eared story and began some word devouring of my own. It was terrific. I read the last paragraph and was mentally gasping for air, physically running back in forth in my kitchen mumbling "What! NO! It can't end! No! Where are the keys? I'm going to buy the next book NOW! I HAVE TO!" with my sister standing by the counter, shaking her head and giving me the "You are crazier than I give you credit for." look - yes, she has a particular look for that thought, I receive it often.

But, before I finished the Hunger Games, I poisoned her mind as well, reading a chapter out loud to her before bed. Now that I am done with it, she carries it around. Disappearing into the world of Panem as often as possible. Eleanore! The girl who doesn't read anything! The girl who sticks her nose up at every book I have suggested EVER! My mother and I are shocked, but happy. I was also happy to find out that my library was carrying copies of the next two sequels and that I was able to check them both out at once. 

The Hunger Games    *  Catching Fire    *      Mocking Jay

On top of that, they are also making a movie! As always, I'm a little wary of people taking such an awesome book and putting it on film, but, as previews tend to do, the trailer looks amazing.

Call me crazy, I'll say ambitious

Yesterday I took a trip to the Library with my mother and sister. I had no plans to borrow any books. After all, I was in the middle of two, and have one on loan from a friend of mine that I haven't cracked open yet! It was gonna be a quick in and out returning job.....or so I thought.

We got in there, I placed my two returns on the desk, and then I looked around me. I am fascinated by libraries. Their nooks and crannies, rows upon rows of shelves crammed with books, the smell of dust, love, and old paper. Sometimes I imagine what it would be like to live there. To be locked away at night, everything is quiet, the building empty, the lights glow softly, and you are alone with millions upon millions of books.

What would you do? Roam the isles aimlessly? Start from one end of the library and make your way to the other, reading every single book that lay between? Find secret rooms and passages that are hidden deep in the belly of the building(I'm sure they're there....but maybe not, if your libraries aren't as old as mine). Make a fort out of books. Stand on the balcony overlooking the entrance hall and recite Shakespeare at the top of your lungs, with all the emotion you could muster. Sing....I'm sure the acoustics are great in there ;) Slide back and forth on the ladders on wheels like it was a ride at the amusement park(You know you've always wanted to do that, don't even lie to me!)

As you can see, I've given this a lot of thought and imagination. When I have my own place, there WILL be a room fully devoted to books. I promise you. (Actually...that's what my room is starting to look like now....)

Anyways, I dropped my books off and started looking around. I couldn't help it. The books were calling to me, how could I not answer? It's like a game of hide and seek. You have to keep going until you find that one story that is calling for you. My sister grabbed my hand and we headed for the children's section, one of my favorite rooms. I came out of there with at least three books, two children's horror stories(E.A.Poe style) and one that seemed to be about an evil, mind controlling puppeteer....

Next, I moved to the teen section, a place I tend to stay away from cause I feel the quality is a little less....something. It's hard to find a good story in there, I think. They're all mostly brainless young adult romance novels seemingly to consist of lots of drama, sex, drugs, or vampires(among other supernatural creatures) They have their place, and can be fun to read, but I need something with substance. Something that I can devour and feel full, not inhale and afterwords wonder, "What did I just read?" So, I hunted until I found four other books. Just as I was starting to lose feeling in my arms from my massive load of literature, I ventured out into the main hall where I found my mother and sister browsing among he 'new summer reads' display. There I found my very last one....OK. I was really done now. Really. I mean, I only have 3 weeks to start and finish most of these, and then maybe another 3 if I don't get exhausted of what's left and feel like renewing any of them.

I decided that I would read one with my coffee and breakfast in the morning, bring another one to work with me(hoping that I would really be too busy and not have time to read), and pour over a third one before bed. So...three a day...I'm not even gonna bother pretending that I have an estimated end date on any of them....All I aim for is to finish one, and start the next.

8 books, 3 weeks, no time....We'll see how this goes.

You may call me crazy....But I'd prefer to label myself as ambitiously-out-of-my-mind. Besides, sane people never have much fun anyways. So, I intend to constantly be hopping out of my world and into 3 others everyday at various times :) I think it'll be refreshing, escaping from my reality. And maybe inspire me to start writing my little stories again.

Books I borrowed(In case you were wondering):

• Puppet Master - by Joanne Owen
• Uncle Monague's Tales of Terror - by Chris Priestley
• Tales of Terror from the Black Ship - by Chris Priestley
• Beauty - by Robin McKinley
• A Kiss in Time - by Alex Flinn
• Stardust - by Neil Gaiman
• Freaks - by Annette Curtis Klause
• Clockwork Angel - by Cassandra Clare

I've found that I gravitate towards books on Carnivals, Pirates, retellings of fairy tales, sci-fi stories set in 1800's England, and over all whimsical books with darker themes....do the books you read tell anything about your personality? I don't even know what these say about mine....

HAPPY READING!